Category:Player Characters

From Knights of the Dinner Table

In-game (non-player) characters[edit]

The Knights themselves have encountered several recurring non-player characters in their (various) roleplaying campaigns. Among these are:

  • (Li'l) Knobby Foot, the Untouchable Trio (Plus One)'s one-time loyal halfling torch-bearer, who fled with certain of the UT+1's possessions, including Knuckles' "dwarven warhorse" and El Ravager's "magic cow" (see below), when the group was in dire straits and Knuckles, El Ravager, and Teflon Billy decided to use Knobby Foot as food. Last seen involved in a revolt against the UT+1, allied with Sergeant Barringer (see below).
  • Lord Gilead, formerly the henchman of one of Sara's HackMaster characters, who became a charismatic noble lord after an unknown, potentially dangerous magical helmet which the Knights insisted that he should be the one to try out turned out to be a legendary Helm of Lordship. He now rules the land of Faengerie and looks down on the propensity of Teflon Billy, Knuckles and El Ravager to burn and slaughter their way through whatever kingdom they happen to be in.
  • Chelsie the Magic Cow, once owned by El Ravager and subsequently eaten by Li'l Knobby Foot. Originally she was an ordinary cow, grazing by the side of the road as mere flavor text. El Ravager insisted on investigating, and B.A.'s attempts dissuade them were met with more fervour and suspicion ("there must be something really special about that cow that he's trying to keep us away from it"). When Teflon Billy used Detect Magic on the cow, B.A. sarcastically declared that it radiated a blinding magical aura. El Ravager laid claim to the cow, named her Chelsie, and over the course of several adventures sought to determine her supposed magic abilities; sadly, he never succeeded. Poor Chelsie met her end as a meal and warm clothing for Li'l Knobby Foot when he fled for his life from the Untouchable Trio (see above). There is a similar story regarding Knuckles and a mule, though that was a case of deliberate trickery on the GM's part; B.A. convinced Bob (Knuckles' player) that "Little Mike" was actually a dwarven warhorse. Mike was also stolen by Knobby Foot, but was kept on as the former hireling's steed when Knobby Foot joined the Barringer rebellion (see below). (Oddly enough, when KenzerCo published the actual rulebooks for HackMaster, the dwarven warhorse showed up on the equipment lists of the Player's Guide, along with a plethora of other items mentioned in the comic. However, it contains no references to magic cows, so Chelsie's special abilities remain a mystery.)
  • "Red" Gurdy Pickens, most often a bar-owner or piano player and nemesis of the Knights' Cattlepunk characters. From the players' perspective, the most feared of all of B.A.'s recurring NPCs; he is often recognized by description before being mentioned by name, eliciting a cry from the players (in unison) of "RED GURDY PICKENS?!". A Canadian descendant of Red even showed up in B.A.'s Hacknoia campaign to plague the Knights' agent characters. Resurrected yet again as the sheriff (and primary antagonist for the players) of the town of Lazarus, during Brian's Cattlepunk campaign. (Red Gurdy Pickens appears as an NPC in Aces and Eights, the real-life analogue to Cattlepunk.)
  • Alexis Marie (aka Lexie), supposedly Brian's girlfriend, but never seen by anyone else in the flesh. He talked about her larger-than-life adventures and careers for over two years before Bob and the other Knights decided the ruse was out of control (Brian had claimed they were engaged and even sent out wedding invitations). After a long, drawn-out intervention-type discussion, Brian was forced to admit that Alexis was not real. In a dramatic emotional outburst, he confessed he had created his own fantasy world, "Brian's Life", in order that he could feel loved (a sort of escape from the 'harsh edges' of the real world). Alexis is now a touchy subject among all the Knights, and any mention of her at the table tends to result in Brian unleashing a furious beatdown on the person who mentioned her.
  • Jonid Coincrawler, a gnomish thief and illusionist, who devises elaborate schemes to separate the Knights from their gold. In many cases, these schemes would not have worked as well as they did if it were not for the Knights simultaneously attempting an equally elaborate scheme to profit from a situation. It should be noted that, in the "reality" of the comic strip, Jonid seems to be an established character from official HackMaster material rather than an original creation of B.A.'s, as he is mentioned in documents distributed by Hard Eight Enterprises.
  • Sergeant Barringer, the leader of a group of hirelings that the UT+1 placed inside a magical bag of holding in order to transport them more easily (in other words, less expensively than buying them all horses). After Teflon Billy, who was in charge of the bag, forgot to feed the hirelings or let them out of the bag for several months, he was shocked to discover that, rather than dying, they had created a fortress and society within "Bagworld", living off the other resources that the Knights had stored there. This led to a conflict and eventually to several full-scale "Bag Wars" in which the Knights attempted to reclaim their items. In a more recent storyline, a campaign taking place generations after the end of the "Bag Wars" features the Knights' current characters entering Bagworld and encountering societies descended from veterans of the wars; one of these settlements, as yet unseen, is identified as "Barringer City".
  • "Carvin' Marvin", an intelligent artifact-level magic sword who is, unfortunately, completely insane and delights in having his wielder kill and maim anyone nearby and/or themselves. On occasion, however, he can be persuaded to pursue a more useful goal, and on those occasions serves as a very powerful and effective weapon. The last time Marvin was wielded resulted in a clash between him and Tremble, the Hackmaster +12 that had asserted its intent over Dave's character, with the end result that every PC died and Marvin absorbed Tremble's power as his own. Now merely waits at 'Meatgrinder Rock' to lure unsuspecting treasure hunters in and destroy them.
  • Pit bulls. The UT+1 discovered that the HackMaster rules allowed pit bulls to be available for purchase in large quantities from even the smallest village, making them a cheap but effective weapon en masse (though somewhat uncontrollable, since the cheap price was for untrained dogs). Unfortunately, when one of Sara's characters purchased a small group to run off guards taking the other three to justice, the dogs became feral and started gathering up every other pit bull in the country until a vast pack of the dogs were killing everyone and every living thing which they came across, becoming known as the Doomsday Pack.

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